Saturday, April 4, 2009

"Worker's World: Sternlandia"

Courtesy of a worker at Alameda County Medical Center (more commonly known as Highland Hospital in Oakland), here is a view of how things go (and what the future holds for those of us in Zombie UHW) when you Completely Go Purple...
Welcome to Worker’s World your new reorganized, pasteurized, homogenized, deskilled, retrained and reconstituted union. No, we don’t have anyone who can write a grievance or negotiate a contract; we replaced them with a call center. No, we don’t answer the phone, we just told you and we have a call center. No, we can’t help you keep your job our employees are too busy trying to keep their own jobs.

Here in Workers World we’re using your hard earned dues to invest in the future, it’s the new fresh young faces of SEIU, they wear tummy Ts, and they have piercings, the ooze enthusiasm and raw sexuality. Go team! Go union! These new “organizers” have enthusiasm of drunken soccer fans. Unfortunately, they have the intellectual capacity of rabbits and the manners of frat boys, but can they follow orders. So what, if dues paying members have to remind them not to interrupt while grown-ups are talking, these kids work hard, they work cheap and they don’t ask questions.

You see, the problem with the labor movement is all those whiney union members leaving all those negative messages like, my boss wants to fire me or my boss refused to pay me. Uncle Andy has National Agenda he can’t spend time and money on whiners, let them go to voice mail. At Worker’s World we say why have employees; when you can have a call center.

Sternlandia makes labor a real corporate player like McDonalds or Wal-Mart and they’ve learned from the corporate model, why invest in people when you can invest in plastic? SEIU is proud to say they have branded and distributed more purple and yellow plastic shwag than any other labor union. SEIU proudly leads the labor movement in plastic pollution. Don’t worry, Uncle Andy will not stop there, no sir? Next year CEO Stern has set bold and exciting corporate goals, watch out Mc Donald’s here comes SEIU. The Unity Meal: a bologna sandwich in a purple plastic bag with a yellow plastic folk served at a soup kitchen to former union members who lost their jobs because SEIU forgot to check their phone messages.
Enjoyable from first to last.

One Thousand Virtual Cocktails to you, Madame, for one of the best anti-SEIU takedowns I've seen from the rank-and-file standpoint.

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